[why abuse isn’t negated by someone treating someone else well]

Anyway, some Deku meta today, and an overall discussion of abuse using Deku’s case. Please don’t use this post for telling people what or what not to do. This post is just about Deku, and in response to an argument that discredits the peer abuse he experienced.

Sometimes I see the argument made that ‘Bakugou couldn’t have abused Deku because if he did he wouldn’t be capable of treating another person well’.

This is fundamentally untrue regarding the nature of abuse. In fact, if you begin to think about abusers in general this argument quickly crumbles apart. Why? Because abusive people are not one dimensional monsters. They are people.

Think of examples that exist in real life. The abusive parent who is charming at their office. The older sibling with lots of friends who then comes home to pick on their younger sibling. The high school bully who harasses someone who isn’t as strong.

Abuse generally thrives where a relationship is unbalanced. People abuse people where they can get away with it.

To pretend someone who abuses one person cannot have relationships with other people creates a lie, and one that erases the experience of many abuse survivors. If an abuser is always abusive, and they always treat everyone badly, this leaves people wondering: ‘was I not really abused?’ when they see their abuser go on to have normal relationships with people.

However, middle school Deku is specifically targeted by Bakugou because he isn’t as strong. He is targeted because he is ‘the most pathetic of all’ and dares to have dreams similar to Bakugou. Bakugou tries to break down someone who has the odds stacked against him, and is encouraged by the rest of the class in his bullying of Deku.

Midoriya specifically describes the relationship between Bakugou and Kirishima as one of ‘equals’, unlike the relationship he shares with Bakugou at that point. Notably, Deku also believes Bakugou has a hard time creating equal relationships in general in this scene. But here, specifically, he equates his relationship with Bakugou as something ‘less than equal’ (which All Might does too, in another scene).

Finally, another counterargument is that we have other examples even in this work of a character who is abusive having non-abusive relationships. Most people can agree that Endeavour had an abusive relationship with his family, especially with his wife. However, when working with coworkers such as Hawks, this relationship specifically isn’t abusive (and is perhaps the most positive thing Endeavour has going for him narratively). We can assume his relationship with Hawks doesn’t automatically become abusive because Endeavour is an abuser (which he undeniably is).

Abusive relationships are complex, and can often create incredible issues for the abusive party as well. However, the fact that abuse is complex is part of what makes it worth such discussions. When it comes to real life, abusers are never black and white. They are often people we feel sympathetic to and are tied to.

Midoriya, as a result, has a lot of complex feelings. The past abuse he has experienced is very recent and has shaped him into the person he is currently. It fuels his desire to save, and much of the narrative is him regaining confidence in himself and developing healthy relationships after being abused much of his life. Let’s not take his narrative away from him.