Charlie's Blog

glumshoe:

Look, ok, I see this come up sometimes, especially now, in light of recent events, but…

Someone who intentionally pursues other legal adults because they have very youthful appearances is creepy. Their patterns of attraction are concerning. If they regularly and intentionally seek out adult partners who, uh, do not look like adults, I am… deeply uneasy, and more vigilant in watching how they interact with actual children and teenagers. 

However, lots of adults do look young. I don’t think “treat them like they’re actual minors” is good advice at all. As someone who is routinely mistaken for a 15 year old boy, I do not want to be infantilized by other adults who are perfectly aware of my real age (and may even be younger than me!). Absolutely nothing makes my skin crawl more than being hit on by adults who genuinely think I’m a minor, but, just as a 12 year-old who looks 22 is still a kid, I’m… still an adult theoretically capable of having consenting adult relationships. Just. Not with those particular people.

There are lots of reasons an adult might look much younger than they are. Some people just have large, wide-spaced eyes. Trans men often do not look their ages unless they’ve been on T for years. Loads of genetic and hormonal disorders result in the retention of neotenous features well into middle age. Must these people live loveless lives until their hair turns gray, for fear that, by dating them, any potential partner is therefore a pedophile? It seems absolutely demeaning and cruel to say so, but I keep seeing people implying exactly that.